Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
