I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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