He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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