He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize