You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
as a side note pls kill me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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