Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish you could order shots online.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
