I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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