Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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