What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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