Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
