i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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