"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
