omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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