The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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