Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
