You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
