We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
