i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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