why do cheetos always look like penises
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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