I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
