okay pat passed out under dana's car
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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