Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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