Apparently you make a good broom.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
