Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just had sex on a roof
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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