i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
