If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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