Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
