I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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