walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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