Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
