when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
