Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize