You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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