If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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