I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
