dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
