i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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