absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
