Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
