you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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