And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
