I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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