I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
