Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize