If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
