I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
