oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
