Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
