omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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