We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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