I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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