using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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