Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
