I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize