I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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