I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
