I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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