This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
