i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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