It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
