Who did Billy Mays play for?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You were trust falling into bushes
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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