you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
