I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hippo gnu deer
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
