My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
