At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
