youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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