Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
