do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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