I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
