conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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