These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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