Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
