I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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