Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
