I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
