so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
