I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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