I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
