yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
