He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
