Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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