Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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