love makes seman taste better
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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