i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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