I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
