He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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