I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize