mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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