Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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