so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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