will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
