I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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