i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Enjoy the penises
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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