When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
