bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
