I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
