I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
