and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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