Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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