Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
