I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
