i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize