u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
