I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
