we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
