Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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