i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
