my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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