highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
