im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
